I'd Rather Love
by GoodnightSleepTight
Summary: ItaSasu One-shot. Rated M to be safe. Sometimes you have to lose before you can gain.


**A/N:** Hope it's not too chaotic to understand. I'm in an odd mood and I guess it's a little bit different. All in Itachi's POV.

**WARNINGS: **ItaSasu (incest), shounen-ai. Don't like, don't read. Rated M to be safe, contains some brutality, nothing too descriptive though.

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**-:- I'd Rather Love -:-**

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_Hot blood washed over my fingers, ears were filled with agonizing screams. His hands clutched the grass in futile attempt to ease the pain I was giving him. His breath became ragged, whispers leaving his lips could barely be heard. Was he pleading for mercy?_

:o:

Nightmare. Only a nightmare. Why won't it leave me be?

"Take me up, aniki!" thin voice calls for me.

I look at my baby brother, who stands and pouts with his arms across his chest in a stubborn gesture. I sigh and pick him up seating on my shoulders. "Soon you'll be too big for me to carry you like that, you know that, right?"

He laughs taking armfuls of my hair to make sure he stays where he is as long as he wills so. "But Kaa-san says you're still growing up too! So I can be a little bigger."

"She has a point, but I'm not going to grow forever."

"Now that would be cool!" he cheers. "But you say you won't, so you can at least buy me some cookies, neh, nii-san?" he leans forward and looks me in the face making puppy eyes.

"You know I can't deny those anything," I say.

:o:

"_It…hurts… I can't take it anymore!"_

_He arches and struggles to get out of my grip, but falls down, when his broken arm bends under the forced weight._

"_Why won't you kill me first?!" he screams, desperation echoing in his words._

_But I only push my finger deeper into his eye in one final movement._

"_Argh!" he cries and writhes in pain._

:o:

Again… again it hunts me…

I move the figurine by six steps.

"Itachi! You're cheating, I saw that!" Sasuke points at me accusingly.

"I'm not cheating. You're just having bad luck," I said and poked him on the forehead.

"Aush! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that? Older brothers are supposed to be smart enough to understand what's spoken to them!" he glares at me with his own little version of Uchiha death glare.

I ruffle his hair.

"We're also supposed to be mean to our little siblings, don't forget about that one."

:o:

_The light… my light… that darkness will be gone. Soon, finally. Just… a little bit more, a little bit more… _

_I form the seals from the scroll of our clan. One step ahead._

:o:

But there's no darkness to be gone..?

"Do you have a squint, Sasuke? Come on, throw those at me not that innocent flowers. Mother will get angry and I'll be the one to blame again!"

"Good, someone has to show you where your place is!"

I laugh. "Don't you sulk on me. You were the one who wanted to train."

"Tch, fine. I'll show you!"

Two shurikens fly in my direction, I catch them both in my hand. "Now, now. Seems like someone has to step on your ambition to make it work, doesn't it?"

He huffs and throws another two. Even better shot.

:o:

_I see again… clearly, like the world is all anew. But all I can look at is him. His body bathed in red, face covered with blood and tears he shed. _

_His closed eyelids._

"_It's over…"I say._

_But he still trembles in pain, probably not even hearing my words._

:o:

"I have something I must ask you for," I say kneeling before the child and taking his face in my hands to look into his eyes. "Stay longer at the Academy tomorrow, alright? Ask Iruka to watch over you, if needed."

"I don't need a baby sitter," he frowns. "I can handle myself fine."

"Okay then, here, have some money so you can get yourself something to eat. You'll do what I ask?"

His eyes sparkle and he throws his little hands around my neck and hugs me tightly. "Whatever you say, aniki! I love you."

"You always love me when I give you money."

"That's not true! I love you all the time."

I feel my heart aching in chest, and I take his hands off me, patting him on the head. "Let's go home."

:o:

"_Why didn't you kill me?" I ask him. "Why didn't you stop it while you could? And you could, I know you could…"_

"_Because I could never hate you enough…" comes the broken whisper._

:o:o:o:

…_What could be…_

:o:o:o:

_Even with my Sharingan turned on, I have troubles to foresee his next movement. Muscles on my arms tense, fingers clutch the sword handle harder. _

_I hear the noise from behind me and I spun around reflexively._

_But he was faster. And three steps ahead of me, just like I had taught him._

_I feel him fall on me from the tree and crush to the ground. I cough when all the air leaves my lungs._

"_Gotcha!" I hear his scream of triumph. "Just like you said, one day, I'll best you."_

_I push him off me and roll on my back. "You got lucky, I'm still much better," I tease him and he smiles at me, stabbing the ground with his sword._

_Somehow, he forgave me and we both agreed never to talk again about the massacre. It was a mistake and I swore myself there won't come a day I'll make another one. I'll never hurt him again._

_I stand up from a ground and brush off the dirt from my attire. He comes over to me, just as tall as I am now and suddenly I receive a poke on my forehead._

"_What in the world, Sasuke?!" I holler._

"_Looser," he says and runs away before I can grab him by the sleeve._

:o:

"I did everything so you could hate me… I did everything so you could hate me, Sasuke!" I scream, my hand inadvertently squeezing his cold palm.

The blood begins to dry slowly, his lips are half open, and he desperately tries to breathe.

"You never did enough..." he returns my squeeze.

:o:

_Knife falls on the floor with a loud jingle. I turn him around and dive my hand deep into his black hair. I kiss him on the neck, inhaling his smell._

"_Can't you let me finish making my dinner for once? I'll starve to death at this rate."_

_I move the other hand under his shirt, his skin is burning under my touch. "Sasuke…" I whisper, caressing his earlobe with my mouth. "I'll make you a dinner myself, but now… you're mine."_

_He smirks and gives into me, his arms reaching to remove my shirt. _

"_Fine," he says and kisses me heatedly._

:o:

"Hate me!" I yell. "Hate me! I took everything you had, everything! So fucking kill me! Kill me Sasuke…" my voice breaks down, head falls on his chest. I feel tears streaming down my own cheeks. "I beg of you…"

"I'd rather love you… I know that now…"

:o:

_I look at him laying under me, panting slightly, tired, but eyes gleaming with mirth. I remove those persistent hair from his face and kiss him once again, gently. He traces my naked chest with his fingers and I grimace at a tickling feeling._

"_I love you, otouto," I say. "I love you so damn much."_

_And he smiles at me._

:o:

Future lost… The one than can never be…

I destroyed it, I torn it to pieces by my own hands.

"Sasuke…" I speak silently, looking at him again, "Sasuke, do you hear me?"

His lips twitch a little, but no sound comes off them.

"Sasuke… Sasuke! Don't die!" I scream suddenly. My heart begins to pound wildly in my chest. "Don't die on me!" I gently lift his head, but he doesn't move. "Sasuke!"

Images flash through my head, screams echo in my ears.

What have I done? What the fuck have I done?!

I shake him a little. "Sasuke, please, please, say something, move… Don't go… Don't… I love you…"

I begin to swing his body gently, holding his head close to my chest, my heart.

Lost… Lost… No…

"Please don't die…" I whisper once again, and suddenly his hand raises and rests around my neck.

"Take me home, Itachi…" he asks.

I feel my hands are shaking, and my whole body refuses to move. "Please…" I plead again.

"I promise I won't die… I can't die now that everything… Everything..." he coughs harshly with blood. "But take me home… It's so cold in here…"

I take my coat off myself and cover him with it best I can, not once moving him away, so he can take my heat.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I've…" I can find no word to say, they hardly leave my throat at all.

"Don't," he speaks and he touches my face searching, before his finger meets my mouth. "Thank you."

"Thank me?" I repeat, I had to hear it wrong. I gently rub his back to provide more heat, waiting for an answer.

And finally it comes.

"Yes… thank you… for giving me my brother back… and making me blind no more."


End file.
